awaken mercy

in my last post i mentioned a few of the challenges we have experienced with my ten month old son. i mentioned that as we have been trying to help him learn how to sleep in his own bed by himself, god has been teaching me things about my relationship and journey with him. 

in addition to what i described in that previous post, another thing god has been teaching me is that his love for me is so great that he is even willing to let me go through things that i don’t like and don’t want to go through because he knows and desires the good that can come out of them for me.

i was reminded of this over the past few nights when i put my son to bed. we put him in the crib and he looks up at us with sad eyes, arms reaching out for us, and crying his heart out because he wants to be with us. when he does this and we walk out of the room to let him go to sleep, i think to myself that he must be feeling so abandoned by us as we leave him by himself in the darkness of his room.

as much as i love him and want to grab him out of there, i know that it is for his good that he learns how to fall asleep by himself. now i confess that i have not always followed through with this though…i have given in a few times and have grabbed him out of there to let him sleep on me. but i realize that loving him and doing what is best for him means not always doing what he wants in the short term – rather it involves doing what is best for him in the long term as well.

as this relates to my relationship with god, it is amazing to me that he loves me so much that even though it must make his heart ache to see me feeling alone and abandoned by him at times, he is willing to let me endure it for the sake of the good that can come out of it for me. what amazing, powerful, profound, true and persistent love. as a parent this is so difficult to do, yet god loves me so much that he is willing to do this for me.

not only that…one of the things my son does not realize as he sits in his crib feeling abandoned by his dad and left all alone in the darkness of his room, is that i am just outside the door the entire time…peeking in occasionally and always paying attention to what’s going on for him – just as i know god is doing for us.

thank you god for loving me enough to let me endure things that i don’t always want or like in order to experience the good that you are able to bring out of it for me. help me to appreciate that love and to love others in the same way. and thank you god for always being with me – even when it seems to be lonely and dark.